Jackie’s rough draft

This image both goes along with Jackie’s essay as he is focusing on his mother, and how his relationship with his mother can never evolve, as she passed away. He write in the last paragraph how he does not know a lot of his mother and that he will not be able to, I would like him to reflect on this idea. I would also like to hear more about his family and his support now. He told the story about how his mom comforted him when he was very stressed in school, who does that for him now? A mother and son relationship is one like no other, I would love for him to expand on how it helped him grow, maybe what he sees different in the US, what he misses most. Maybe he could go more into her childhood and her mother, as he mentioned his grandma in a little part of it. Great to read about his mother and his life though.

Jim’s rough draft

 

This quote goes along with Jim’s essay as her grapples with the idea of working in the music industry. He loves music, as we get to see a little (would love her hear more about this, how it is in your daily life and in what ways it changes it) and how his love of music created a desire to work in this field. I would like to understand more about why Jim loves music and why he doesn’t think another occupation seems to fit. Why don’t you just change you major to a music based one? What are you studying now and why did you chose it when you obviously are not happy? I would like to learn more about these questions as a reader. Everyone struggles with “what do you want to be when you grow up” vs this is the most stable profession. There is a lot of possibility here and everyone loves music so incorporate that element to the piece.

Jamie’s rough draft

 

This picture both goes along and contradicts Jamie’s piece. As she writes about her parents, she says she feels disconnected from them. However, there are moments of light, like when her mom comes to the event where students grades are announced. The parent child relationship is very complicated, but Jamie tries to investigate how her relationship is with her parents. I would like to see what she thinks she would like from a different relationship. I would also like to see maybe a scene where she shows looking at someone (maybe a friend) interact with their parents differently. I know at Umich there are a lot of different styles of parenting. When did she first feel disconnected from her parents? There are all things I think can come out of the next draft of her essay.

 

Kelly’s rough draft

best-london-cafe

As coffee had a nice role in this essay (Kelly going to two coffee shops) I think this image and link is in line with her essay. What I want to delve deeper into is the difference between a local and a tourist. So far in Kelly’s essay (besides the EU passport) I could see myself doing all those things as a tourist. I want her to talk more in-depth about how her sister being there has changed her perspective. Maybe she can talk to her sister about the misconceptions tourists have about London. While coffee, thrift shops and cool vegan restaurants are very fun to go to, they would be things that I would do as a tourist in London (I kind of did those things when I was there), so I want her to focus more on what going to these places with her sister means, the difference, as I am sure there are many.

Andy’s rough draft

This image goes along with Andy’s essay as it shows two guys (seemingly friends) in a digital world. The difference about Andy’s however is that it is the journey from virtual (this picture) to reality. I really enjoyed Andy’s essay as it was incredibly personal (credibility) and was a perspective that people do not write much about, or at least that I have seen. Which is friendship and navigating it in this new world of technology. Andy seems to do it well, but of course there is anxiety that comes along with friendship. I think comparing how virtual vs. real life friendship differ is something that could be added to the essay just to give it the extra boost.  This was really a great piece of work, as a reader I felt like I was getting a view from his eyes, walking a mile in his shoes, which is really the point of these essays.

Aakash’s rough draft

20-instagram-spots-in-new-york

This is a picture and website to a spot in NYC that a lot of people take pictures in front of. The link is to other spots of rogad Instagram pictures. While Aakash has not yet gone to NYC to meet his love, I am confident and hope that it is a great trip and that they stay as in love as they were when they last left each other. Maybe they can even go to a few of the spots and incorporate that into his essay.. a few journeys within his journey to her. Love is a powerful thing and in this generation social media is a large part of a relationship. Especially with them living so far apart from each other. Maybe this wall can symbolize their love. Also it is just a cute wall to take fun pics.

Elizabeth’s review

This image contradicts Elizabeth’s piece a bit, as it is spring break pictures (while she writes about fall) but the image goes to the theme of what she writes about: friends and vacation. However, there weekend of fun, college, young people activities is captured in this image. The larger idea of discovery, both of a new place and of things she did not know about herself is not shown here. I think this aspect of the piece gives it more depth. I enjoy when she touches on some form of insight or feeling she has. I would lover for Elizabeth to touch into this more. The difference between her and the girls in this picture is her insight and her experience, we (as readers) get to be in her hear and I would love to get more into that.

Mohammed’s draft review

I really enjoyed them theme of this peace. Race, especially in regards to religions, is a very hard subject to talk about. Living in American it can sometimes feel uncomfortable to talk about it and it can be seen as taboo or not politically correct. Mohammed talks about the topic in a very compassionate, curious way. The picture I have included above is an image showing the beautiful variety of skin tones, but also shows how we are all similar.. we all have arms! I think this image goes along with Mohammed’s piece, getting to the idea that we are all the same, and that a more diverse collective of people add to our live, and for him religious practice.

Xinyi’s essay

http://marc.ucla.edu/mindful-meditations

This website that I found in high school that does guided meditations. I have meditated off and one for five+ years. When I have tried apps like headspace, they would just add more stress to my day, as Yinyi expresses feeling. The little notification that I haven’t done todays sitting would annoy me and just be added to my list of things to do. These guided meditations from UCLA have been great because they give you the benefit of having someone help you through the practice, but you can do it on your own time. In her five days of the experiment one she doesn’t do (20% of the days then), I would recommend doing it for a longer period of time, both sitting (more than 3min) and number of day. For me, it took a while to feel the benefits.

Nick’s essay

http://herb.co/2017/02/22/quickest-detox-thc-system/

This article is about the six ways to get weed out of your system. This goes along with Nick’s experiment as he is trying to do just that. As Nick has not written about the specific details of how his experiment is going and how its affecting him, I can’t compare this article with his essay, however it could be a good point of reference for him. When someone is very active in anything, it is very hard to cut that thing off. I think have a reference to what worked for other people can be helpful. This article is more guided to people who have urine tests they need to pass, but I hypothesis once you get the weed out of you system (detox it) the other days will be easier.